The Civil War Letters of Charles Harvey Hayden pt 4

     In this letter of March 5, 1863, Charles writes to this sister Laura from the same Smoketown hospital that he was sent in October 1862. Discouraged with continuing poor health, chronic diarrhea and pain from his very severe wound, he is concerned about not being fit for regimental duty. He expresses a clear fatalistic tone and acceptance that the future is beyond his capacity to control.

                                             Smoketown Hospital
                                                  March 5, 1863

     Dear Sister,
     I have been waiting some time and have not written because I expected to leave here soon, either discharged or sent to the regiment. But I do not see anymore prospect of going than I did two months ago. There are some discharged and others sent to their regiments every few days. My health is not very good and I have had the diarrhea for six months most of the time, and my side and breast (are) weak and I have some pain when I lay down. I find that I do not get over a wound as soon as it is healed. But, it is liable to bother – long after. I do not think that I am able to go to the regiment and do duty as a soldier, but perhaps I shall be sent.
     I mean to try to keep my trust in Him that has preserved my life through the bloody conflicts that I have passed through where many have been from health to the grave in a few moments – and if it is His will that I shall be discharged it will be so, if not He can give me strength when I return to duty to do what is required of me.
     I am glad that you have found a friend and I hope that he may prove kind and true. Still I would always have you put your trust in that friend that can never deceive but will always do that which is best for us if we put our trust in Him, although we may not always think so at the time.
     The weather here has been wet and we have had rather bad weather, but today is warm and pleasant. The grass is just beginning to start. We have a nice little chapel where we have meetings three times a week and we have a very fine man for chaplain.
     I was sorry to hear that Pa had lost his dam but was glad that he had it repaired. I hope he may have success and he prospers.
     Dear Sister, I hope the time may soon come when war shall end and we shall meet at home again.
                                        Direct Smoketown Hospital
                                             Washington, DC
                                             Via Sharsburg MD
                                        From your loving brother,
                                             Charles H. Hayden